Of Incomes, Expenses and Life In General

Life has always been challenging me.. Yet amidst those challenges, I stood up and proved that I can do it. Yet God allows certain events in my life to constantly remind of the value of humility. It was during my prime years in my current pharmaceutical company that I experienced triumphs and successes in my entire career as a pharmaceutical representative. I took awards most coveted by medical representatives. I withstood all of them when it comes to total sales in peso value.. Yet I still feel incomplete.

I know a lot of people get envious. Not to brag my name but they always tell me how fortunate I am to have this kind of job. A job that gives me more than enough of what I need. They see me driving a car, stunningly dressed in long sleeves and slacks, having a decent house, someone who can buy whatever he wants, can travel to different places, joined a company that can take me abroad and experience a life in luxury at least for a 5 day annual convention a year... They see me with them. And I feel grateful to the Lord that these gifts are given to me...

They just see the externalities of me. They haven't seen the reality that I have to pay for my housing amortization that cover half of my monthly take home pay. Then pay the bills, electricity, internet, water, cellphone and so much more. not to mention the chains of having a credit card. All of these are skeletons hidden in my closet. Yet I still wondered how did I manage to survive. With every income that gets into my pocket, all the more will I pick out on my other pocket. You see expenses do come and go and the more that I earn, the more I spend.

I really do not have that mentality of saving money. They see me living a decent life but I can really vouch that somebody who's envious of my life gets a lot more in his passbooks than mine. I do not have a savings. I have a bank account though, but it seldom gets deposits.. more on withdrawals. And still I ask myself.. Is this still the life that I want to live up to the next 10 or 20 years? You should congratulate me, I paid 6 years straight, without any arrears, my housing loan. That would give me 19 more years left to finally pay my housing amortization. I would be 50 years old by that time. Sick enough to take a rest in this house and sick enough to allocate the house payments to cover for my medications.

Yet the question still bothers. Is this what life has to offer? I don't know. I still live one day at a time. I do save a little, I have my life insurance, though not that big premium, but enough to cover an entire chemotherapy if i get cancer, which i pray to God no. I still do dream of the seminary. The community life, The life of a religious. I think that is really my direction in life. I don't dream of having a family, kids and a wife.. no not really. I just want to live a decent life. I have my own house, I can buy the food that I want, pay my hospital bills, and live a comfortable life. I don't know if I can get this. I pray.

My Conversations With Ms. Daisy And My Rector

My friend from the seminary, Jo-I, who left also, text me and asked what is the name of our pet monkey in the seminary. While leisurely walking inside SM City, my mind boggled as to what the name of our monkey is... I thought of it that much till I succumbed and tempted to call for a help from the seminary. I phoned the seminary and I heard the familiar tone of voice: St. Alphonsus Seminary, good afternoon. I chuckled and said, Helloww Ate Daisy... Daniel, she interrupted... Then laughter followed.

Later we talked a lot about certain events that took place in the seminary. I heard that her office was repainted and she would have wanted to tell me the color but it's better left surprise. Then i asked the name of the monkey. Mucho and Yvonne. Finally I knew it..!

Then my rector arrived and she handed the phone to him. We talked a lot, and I felt very happy hearing his voice, the terrible voice before is now a voice of comfort and nostalgia. He asked me about my latest happenings, I told him everything that happened while I am outside. i was delighted when he said that he is happy hearing my voice and listening to my experiences. Wow. At this moment of my life, while I was feeling the loneliness within, someone is happy because of me. What a delight!

We shared a lot of insights and he told me that this world I am now, is a different world compared to what I had before. But what is important is to live within the values that I was taught inside, the way of life directed toward goodness. I expressed most of my sentiments, regarding my company, the people around me, and my family. His response was very timely. He said, "While I was talking to a friend, a rector also from another seminary, he told me that what he does is to pray for his former formands. To pray for their family, jobs, and life." A word of comfort for a lonely guy here in Davao. I felt at ease and comfortable, somebody is praying for me, and that's a relief.

We talked for almost an hour. Relieved.

Jo-I, ang name sa atong monkey kay si Mucho and iyang wife kay si Yvonne...

Two Years Ago: The Day I Left The Seminary

It has been 2 years. August 3, 2007 the whole of Dumaguete City cried. The rain poured in so hard, and the sky was dark. I woke up in my room, looked at my packed bags, my empty cabinet. My batchmates were hugging. Including my so-called enemies. They sang our favorite song, Buksan and Next in Line with the strum of the guitar from Danilo. I took a bath, rushed to the refectory and brushed my teeth. I prepared myself for the last community activity in my seminary life, the morning prayer.

We prayed as a community of postulants and priests.

One thing I regret, I did not say a word of my exit. I just presumed that they knew it and i have no more business in telling them. But I forgot to thank them, the Redemptorist, my brother postulants, and the people who helped me in my journey. as I went out the prayer room, the other postulants came to me and tapped my shoulder. Without saying a single word, I knew what they meant. Teary eyed, I went to call on our driver, David, to drive for me which he never refuses. I did not expect that they would accompany me, my co-postulants. Danilo and Marvin then took the songbook and the guitar. That was the saddest moment of my life in the seminary, letting go.

Letting go of the people who journeyed with me.

Letting go of the brilliance I embraced inside.

Letting go of the structure I hated and loved.

Letting go of my bacthmates.

Letting go of the prestige and recognition of being a Redemptorist seminarian.

And most especially, letting go of the Redemptorist.

It was hard, Difficult.

Again they sang the songs. One of our staffs went and punched me on my shoulder, Ate Bebe said, why did you not inform me that you will leave? I won't have a chatmate while doing the laundry. I haven't realized how my talking made an impact to people but then. Well maybe that is the only thing I am good at, the talking.

It was still raining cats and dogs.

All of my co-postulant went with me to go to Sibulan pier. While inside the van, we were still singing and laughing. I laughed but I wept within.
Finally it's time for me to let go. I was blanked and empty when I waited in the terminal lounge for the barge. Looked at the see, the rain, and the people passing by. I wondered what will happen to me after leaving.

I arrived in Cebu without saying a word of my leaving. My benefactors, friends, and even my college director was not informed by me, personally. They were just informed after the news spread of my absence. They were disappointed if not all of them, they were sad and said I am a loss. Somehow I managed to make them laugh and to inspire them with my lifestyle. But I made my decision and it was final.

I just met a confidante, Ate Nancy, our very own college librarian. We met at Elizabeth Mall just to give her instructions with regards to the processing of my school documents and Transcript of Records. She hugged me and said her farewell. I ate my lunch and went directly to Mactan Airport.

I cried.

I will be leaving Cebu, the city I considered to be my home. The city where I learned to rise from a fall, how to live my life to the fullest, the city who taught me how to love unconditionaly.
I boarded the plane for Davao, August 3, 2007 4:30 pm.

I arrived after an hour of flight. And I saw my dad waiting for me.

Still the question revolves in my mind, what will happen to me after?

To Be Followed...

N.B.
This blog was supposed to be published on the second year anniversary, but because of a very long meeting on August 3, 2009, I mean it very long from 8am to 12:30 am, I was not able to publish this.

For Jayson, Jo-i, Danilo, James, King, Jack, Dhon2, and Joie John

We are the Liguorian Dreamers...

These were the winning phrases we shout as we battle different games, cheering contest, contest, batch activities... These were the words that trembled the portals of SACFH as we grabbed championship matches and prestigious cups and tournament.

We persevered and that made us distinct. the Liguorian Dreamers speaks of leadership, supremacy, dominion, wealth, prestige, and most of all Honor!

I miss you so much guys! How I wish I could spend a day with all of you so we can talk about life after our previous life.

Jayson is currently in Cebu, working as a call center agent with a managerial position in his company. He's fortunate to be working in Cebu. he's still connected with the circle of friends of the Liguorian Dreamers. He pursues his study of Law in University of San Jose Recoletos.

Jo-I had worked in Makati City for 6 months as a Human Resource Management Staff in Accenture the worlds leading BPO with Tiger Woods as its endorser, He resigned from work and currently resides in Bacolod City settling with his beloved Matet and his family.

Danilo, the last thing I heard of him, worked as a HR Staff in a construction firm in Iloilo City. He then resigned hoping he'll be back in formation.

Dhon2 is now living in a very different world, but I am sure that his real world. He belongs there and I know that the place means hardships and dangers, He still love it and will pursue his career there in th Philippine Military Academy.

Jack, works as an elementary teacher in Sacred Heart School of Jesuits in Cebu. (I'm not so sure with this, can somebody help me figure this out..)

Joie John works at a BPO firm based in Davao city. The last thing I heard on him was that he has been in charge of recruiting computer specialist and my cousin saw him in a Job Fair interviewing applicant.

King, son of the Vice Mayor, works as a social worker organizing farmers and rural folks in Davao Del Sur. He works for a political figure in Davao Del Sur. He let the formation after the first year and he pursued his degree in Social Work in Ateneo De Davao University.

James.... I saw him 6 months ago caressing his girlfriend in gaisano mall of Davao. I was on my way to the escalator when we saw each other. I haven't seen him for years since that moment. Our eyes stood still and we only shared laughter and memories of our good old day. He said he's doing his Nursing education in saint Mary's School of Tagum City.

And yours truly, Daniel, works in a pharmaceutical company as a Medical Representative and is currently based in Davao City. Looking forward to see all of these guys...