No Love No Marriage

No Love No Marriage

Marriage has gone a long way. As I have learned in our class the concept of marriage has evolved into different stages from a very simple gesture of marrying to form alliance of different kingdoms, to an exclusive right of a man over a woman for sex and thereby completing the marriage by the act of consummation. Now marriage, in the Church, has been lifted into a level of a sacrament. And for this reason couples put more importance on the preparations and the externals of marital rites in the church. These days also, we seldom see couples marrying out of wedlock, alliance or business partnerships, and marrying out of pregnancy. Couples turned out to be ‘in love with each other’ before they get married. But is love really essential before marriage?

My grandfather married my grandmother without courtship and shall we say love. As what our family history would say, my grandfather was a handsome and hardworking teacher and just asked for the consent of my grandmother to get married and both got married on Feb. 14, 1958. They had two children, and one is my mother. And for 35 years they had a very good relationship, filled with love and faithfulness until my grandmother died on 1993.

My mother got married with my father because both of them loved each other. They surpassed the trials of time and for 20 years they were together. And when we all finished our college, and all of us were professionally working in our different fields, my father left home and left us. We did not know what took place, what transpired. We were very clueless. My brother was working abroad when he heard the news. When he came home, we gathered and later did we know that the love they both shared had been gone for quite a time. And they finally decided to separate after considering that we are all mature enough to handle the situation.

I cited these two situations as my point of comparison. These are very real situations, situations that we sometimes disregard but needs the attention of our church. The examples I gave would somehow reflect the marriage before and at present. The latter showed marriage without love but turned out to be faithful and lasting, true to their promise. The former has love then marriage but failed. The question is this; up to what degree can we say that the love the couples have for each other is enough for them to get married and to keep their marriage successful. Considering that marriage is not merely for procreation but also a lifelong partnership, a commitment to God and each other.

Why is this happening? I believe that these are realities that we should look into. In my own view, I would not put more weight on love prior to marriage but love before, and ‘during’ marriage. As Gabriel Marcel would say, love is the highest phenomenon we can do to express our existence fully. And in this case it should be present within the marriage for it to work. But it does not stop there; both should have hope and fidelity for each other for marriage to work.  Hope that their marriage would last and fidelity that no matter what happens throughout time they remain constant in their commitment.

 I believe that the Church should put more stress on the relational aspect of marriage. In my lay perspective, I see that the Church has lapses when it comes to handling post marital concerns of many couples. Even the pre-nuptial seminars was considered to be a burden for marrying couples thereby considering it as nuances and less prioritized. The obligation of the Church does not stop from officiating the wedding rites of the couples but it goes down into the level of the couple, understanding their differences and helping them cultivate that love within marriage. What is essential is for the couples, with the aid of the Church, to cultivate that ‘love’ in their marriage.

This article was my reflection paper on my Theology class.