Something New

What has been going on with me recently? I am still bombarded with the chains of my job and the chains of the managements but with the faithfulness and companionship of my co-workers. For quite a time I was thinking of asking for a position away from this city. I spend my entire life living in the city, 18 in Davao and 4 in Cebu... I want something new. It reminds me of the soundtrack of a movie, Something New In My Life. I want that! I deserve that!
Yearning for a new chapter in my life is not a different thing anymore. Decisions were made as I went through different chapters in my life. And those decisions were a risk. Taking that risk means difficulty, struggles, challenges, and most of all, what Kierkegaard said, leap of faith. It takes to have a leap of faith, to leap away from the comforts and into the fire keeping within the deepest part of my soul the faith, the faith that I can do it, the faith that I can move, and I can have that yearning for something new.
I want to spend a life out of this current life. It's not that I am running away from this situations I am in to, be it positive or negative. I just simply want to be away. In a place where nobody knows me, my name, my identity. So I can live anew. As what I read years ago, if you want to know me forget my name. There is a need to empty the cup to allow the tea to flow in. And I want to do that! To empty myself and to live anew.
maybe I just become melancholic for I spent a sleepless dawn doing nothing and listening to music from the past that made me write these things? One thing I dread, everything I write my thoughts, they just flew away and left my mind. Sometimes when I want things to be out of my mind, I just write it and it's all gone.
When can I leave this place, I don't wanna die. I want to live, to live a life living not earning for a living not earning to die.
I can' live without my laptop, my smart phone, my car... what else..? comfort. If everything goes well, I can have my new car, then I'll leave this place and live a new life. Bringing with me the comfort of my gadgets and my little home, my car.
Is this blog worth reading? This isn't for you, this is just for me...

Religious Experience: To a Doctor From Me

While I was at the hospital lobby. A doctor, which happens to be a 'christian', 'born again', I put them in quotation because I doubt they understand what Christian is and I doubt they know that 'born again' is a biblical term which they misunderstood and misused, whatever they call themselves, and a friend, greeted me and gave me a very distinct smile. Something very unusual for her. I followed to her clinic. As usual, they started with a prayer. Before the prayer, however, she joyfully told me about an experience her doctor friend had during their so-called 'Encounter With God'.
Her friend was asked by a whispering voice telling her to kneel. Her friend acknowledged that the voice came from "God". Then she told "God", I can't, there are many people around me. I am a doctor and many would see me kneel in this gathering. She opened her eyes and she told everyone that she saw an 'assembly of angels'.
Then we started our prayer. The doctor prayed for us to encounter God, just like her friend who encountered God through the angels. After the prayer, I told her. Wow, what a Religious Experience. She motioned toward me and said, "Change your mindset, God is not the God of Religion" I was very distressed. I said it unintentionally. For us "intellectuals", non-fanatic, and philosophers, such an experience could be labeled as Religious Experience or the Experience of the Holy.
I grinned out of embarrassment and left her clinic. Unable to explain and enlighten her fanatic and narrow thinking mind that Religious Experience is different from religion and from being religious. I stand to say that she is religious to the point of being fanatic that she believes that only the people who join her group, reads the bible will be saved. I say to her, The God of Isaac, Jacob, and Israel is a God of love and justice. A God for the believers and the non-believers, a God who transcends beyond religion. I do pray that God will open your mind and change your mindset, just as you have told me to change my mindset.
A Religious Experience is something that a limited entity experience of the Holy, Holy here is emphasized with the use of the capital H to signify the Being, the True, the Good, and the Holy, someone or something beyond the limited entity. An experience such as that, seeing an assembly of angels, if it was really true.
This happens to be the difficulty of philosophers in trying to pursue their quest for philosophizing and enlightening. As Socrates in his Socratic Dialogues would say that he was a 'midwife' he helps people to get out of their convention and go out like a baby coming out from the mother's womb.
I don't mind talking to her about her fanaticism and of her talking to me about her "God" because my God is different from your God.
May my God bless you!

I Want To Leave This House

Think of the independence this would give me? I want to leave home. I was thinking of the savings I would have if I live in my own. I would be very please to see myself living in a small room or an apartment all by myself. There are so many things in life that I desire, so much that when the thought comes I become nostalgic of the way I lived my life, independently, years ago.
Now I live in the fortress of my family. The main reason why I want to leave this house is my quest for independence. Somehow this house, it would be awkward if I call this home knowing the events that took place in this house, became my comfort zone. I hate using this phrase... comfort zone... It reminds me of our 'big' boss reminding us always to leave our comfort zone. So much for that, this house is not my home. I want a home where I can be myself. A void where I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want things to happen.
This thinking is bothering me. I want independence. I am 22 and I am eligible to live by my own. But why on earth can't I leave this house..? It seems that I am a late bloomer. Most people experiencing this phenomenon are teenagers. I don't think I am one of them? Well maybe yes, I am one of them.
I just want to leave this house, the people and the experiences it comes with. I just want to simply be. And I cannot, I did not do it, I will not do it. Maybe this house is not my 'comfort zone', that this house is my danger zone, where I am put into burning oven. Cultural influences hinders me from making the leap forward. I cannot leave this house because of my family. They need me even if I think I would be proud in saying that i don't need them., I can live without them.
I just have to leave it here. Let go and let God.