Think of the independence this would give me? I want to leave home. I was thinking of the savings I would have if I live in my own. I would be very please to see myself living in a small room or an apartment all by myself. There are so many things in life that I desire, so much that when the thought comes I become nostalgic of the way I lived my life, independently, years ago.
Now I live in the fortress of my family. The main reason why I want to leave this house is my quest for independence. Somehow this house, it would be awkward if I call this home knowing the events that took place in this house, became my comfort zone. I hate using this phrase... comfort zone... It reminds me of our 'big' boss reminding us always to leave our comfort zone. So much for that, this house is not my home. I want a home where I can be myself. A void where I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want things to happen.
This thinking is bothering me. I want independence. I am 22 and I am eligible to live by my own. But why on earth can't I leave this house..? It seems that I am a late bloomer. Most people experiencing this phenomenon are teenagers. I don't think I am one of them? Well maybe yes, I am one of them.
I just want to leave this house, the people and the experiences it comes with. I just want to simply be. And I cannot, I did not do it, I will not do it. Maybe this house is not my 'comfort zone', that this house is my danger zone, where I am put into burning oven. Cultural influences hinders me from making the leap forward. I cannot leave this house because of my family. They need me even if I think I would be proud in saying that i don't need them., I can live without them.
I just have to leave it here. Let go and let God.
Now I live in the fortress of my family. The main reason why I want to leave this house is my quest for independence. Somehow this house, it would be awkward if I call this home knowing the events that took place in this house, became my comfort zone. I hate using this phrase... comfort zone... It reminds me of our 'big' boss reminding us always to leave our comfort zone. So much for that, this house is not my home. I want a home where I can be myself. A void where I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want things to happen.
This thinking is bothering me. I want independence. I am 22 and I am eligible to live by my own. But why on earth can't I leave this house..? It seems that I am a late bloomer. Most people experiencing this phenomenon are teenagers. I don't think I am one of them? Well maybe yes, I am one of them.
I just want to leave this house, the people and the experiences it comes with. I just want to simply be. And I cannot, I did not do it, I will not do it. Maybe this house is not my 'comfort zone', that this house is my danger zone, where I am put into burning oven. Cultural influences hinders me from making the leap forward. I cannot leave this house because of my family. They need me even if I think I would be proud in saying that i don't need them., I can live without them.
I just have to leave it here. Let go and let God.
I was 25 years old when I asked, no, begged, from my parents to let me live on my own. Yes, a 25-year old woman begging and crying for independence from her parents not because she felt restricted or anything but because of the need to prove to herself (not to her parents, but to herself) that she can do it on her own. Seven years after, here I am, living to a high degree of fulfillment the decision I made. Sure there were times when I scurry home, to my parents, just to have their strong arms around me, just to assure me that everything will be alright, but contrary to what I may have thought at the time when I asked for their blessing to let me go, they were (still are) very supportive of my decision. We may be restricted culturally when it comes to independent living accommodations but restrictions are there only if we allow them to.
ReplyDeleteSo, am I encouraging you to up and go? If it's what your heart is telling you and if it's right for you, things will fit in. God will work, He is working right now.
Cristy: Wow thanks..! I envy you so much... I know you grew up in a culture of family consciousness and is bombarded by family oriented individuals but you managed to break into the open... haaayy... I still believe that Time will give me enough time to think of it and the right time to decide on it. Maybe by 25..? same as your age. lol
ReplyDeleteIndeed. I can still remember the 130 heartbeats/minute and the sweaty hands (and forehead) when I approached them and asked them. I know my parents made a very difficult decision too, but I know that they were also proud of my and their decision.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you'll do alright! :)