Experience of the Holy?

I'm glad that my nephew is now part of the Christian family. We just went to the church to welcome him as he received the Sacrament of Baptism.

I know for myself that by the time I left the seminary, I also left behind its walls the values, teachings and virtues I learned. I am now in the process of unlearning. Forgetting everything -can I do it? I'll try.- And try to get lost in the wilderness I thought was not existing.

I am trying to unlearn them all, to empty myself and to start inserting some new unconventional thoughts and principles. But was my experience a religious experience? I was observing the rite on which the priests poured water on the head of my nephew. I was so distracted by my duty as the 'official photographer' that I was not able to focus so much on the essentials.

But when I saw that very important part everything around me paused. And everything I tried to unlearn was back. Some feelings or emotions or something I cannot explain happened to me. As if I had a religious experience, the experience of the Holy. Speaking to me in the events. Was there something in the event that I need to ponder upon, to reflect, or worse to

I Want Christmas Dead!

I want Christmas to die! really... I am not talking on Christmas as a celebration of the birth of our Savior.. No not this one...

I am pertaining to the Christmas we celebrate... The Christmas that frustrates others. The Christmas that only the haves have... and the have nots cannot celebrate... Not necessarily the haves financially.. yes it can be but not only them but also the ones who have the conventional and ideal Christmas.

Why should we really have to celebrate Christmas 'white'. As the song goes, 'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas'... It is not for us Filipinos... Its for the Westerners who hates the burden of the biting cold of winter!

I pray that the Christmas we celebrate will die soon!!! and we will resurrect the Christmas as it was and as it should be....

The Story of My Frustration

I have been longing to really find time where I can sit and reflect upon my frustrations in life. Indeed I have one, which I will share to you.

I was a seminarian for almost five years. In the seminary, I was trained to be strong, to be flexible and to be dynamic so I could make an impact to other people. Dreaming to become religious priest, my primary aim is to be of service to God through serving other people. I further defined other people as my brothers in the seminary, my classmates in the university, my friends, and the people in my apostolate area.

As I evaluate my self, through their evaluations also, I could rate the service I gave to them as, say, excellent.

Indeed I was really doing well on it. I left many things that I desire so much, I sacrificed events and happenings important to me all because of service, of love and of preaching God’s Good News to the poor and the most abandoned.

Then eventually it came to my mind, one evening while discussing with a confrere. He told me once that among all the many apostolates he underwent; rural and urban mission, establishing GKKs, giving total service to the Church and to her flock, he eventually found out that one thing was missing -his family.

At that moment I was feeling tormented by the frustration that his reflections gave me… I was really frustrated with my Self. I was really good at dealing with people, helping them solve their problems, contributing to their spiritual growth, exercising leadership and camaraderie, I even preached the God I believe in and made myself an instrument of God for them to experience His love, His Plentiful Redemption.

The story in the Gospel where Jesus was asked by a man on how to inherit the Kingdom of God was answered by Christ, Follow me. I followed Christ; I left everything just to follow Him, to follow his examples and virtues, to follow Him in preaching the Kingdom of God.

I left my family, and firmly put my trust on Him for them. My prayers were not focused on myself, my prayers was for my family and others. My search for inner spiritual growth continued and eventually, I decided to leave the formation for a greater good. As I left the formation I also left, like garbage, the wisdom and virtues that I learned from them, from Christ.

I returned to the family I once left. Only to find out that there are many events that happened during my absence. Right now I really feel the urge to do something, to do the things I did in the seminary, the mission, apostolate, and the recollections I handled. But I could not. I feel so frustrated and useless. I could be of help for others but within the zones of my family I could not.

This is the story of me... -The Story of My Frustration…

This blog was originally published in my Multiply account on December 24, 2007 5:54am

www.laokonghuy.multiply.com

Principle

I don't think that in this world, I can live embracing my principles... Principle is 'that from which something precede'. In other words, my set of principle precedes my existence... Maybe I should check them out or may be I will do some changes.

When I die, the world won't cease to exist

I still don't know how to live simply in this complex world... Everybody seem to hate me and I don't know why. I don't care either. Because right now my guiding principle is "when I die, the world won't cease to exist"... I believe it is right because we are nothing but human beings. Bodily mortals but spiritually immortals.. That for me is important, my spirituality. The rest, I don't care..!

loving somebody...

Standing in the shoreline of Samal Island, Davao. I couldn't help myself to marvel on the beauty of the Davao Gulf... Then I started to walk a mile of the shoreline and sat on a large rock. I was so amazed by the fine sand it has. I took a some of it and placed it on my palm... I allowed it to fit and it did not flow... It just stayed there...

Then I slowly tighten my grip... The sands flew down... then little by little it all went out...

I looked up and reflected on the way humans love somebody... They try to take all and possess the subject as if he/she is an object of possession... which should not be...

To love means to allow the sand stay in the palm without spilling by not tightening...

Stream of Humanity

This world is but a stream... we humans are like floating coconuts... following the flow of the stream... and we get lost. we do not know where we are going... but we are assured that there is a Force pushing us, letting us flow... until we reach to a certain land... where we can grow and bear fruits for others...