Out of Habit

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight...

Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus

I continue to exist out of habit... Where the hell did I get this quote? Ah... I remembered Dr.Espina discussing existentialism of Sartre..?I have forgotten already those great philosophers... Anyway my point is this- I continue to live out of habit.

And it proves to be effective in succeeding and living meaningfully, if it's a necessity to live and have a meaningful life, in this absurd world. Indeed it is absurd! I see people suffering and pity them, yet I do not do anything to help them ease their suffering. Instead I disregard them as if I do not see anything. And yet I exist.

I know that this world is a temporary place, by saying temporary I mean that there is or are other place/s where I can live after this world. And yet I work so hard in order to continue living this hell of a kind life. Absurd indeed.

I continue to live as a habit. Every last Saturday of the month I make my plans for the succeeding months work. The we go to our boss' house for him to sign our plan. Then we give our signed plan to our branch coordinator. When approved I follow my plan. I wake up 7am prepare for work. Then go to Dr. Dela Cruz for my first coverage of the day.. then Dr. Sanchez, Lagmay, Tiu, Brato, Yarra.... until I reach my target 20 doctors a day... then go home, eat, prepare samples, then sleep. Then the next day same doctors in the morning but new doctors in the afternoon, and end up with the same doctors for the evening coverage... either dr. Solis, Manalo, or Ho. Absurd? Yes. But I still do it

I get my salary every 13th and 27th of the month. My operational allowance is sent every 3rd and 17th of the month. I receive money frequently and I spend them very fast also. Absurd? Yes. But I still keep on doing it.

i know my life is absurd but I keep on living an absurd life. Why? Simply because I am not conscious of it. Looking at the heavy stone as it falls down the hill after a hard labor of pushing it upward.

Only then will I find consciousness if I sit and reflect. Bending back the events and things I do, internalizing and reflecting.