Finding Joy In this Season

December last year, it was the last day of work before our Christmas break. On a bright sunny morning I was driving my car at a moderate speed on my way to our year end meeting. Just a block before our meeting place, I crossed an intersection when suddenly my car was hit by a fast approaching SUV. It was horrible. I could imagine myself as an actor of a movie when my car immediately turned three sixty degrees. Terrified I just held the steering wheel tightly, maneuvered quickly to avoid falling in a nearby canal.

I was trembling. Afraid and teary eyed. I stepped out and confronted the driver of the SUV. I yelled at him and blamed him for the accident. I called some of my counterparts and my immediate supervisor for rescue. Somebody called 911 and emergency ambulance went into the scene. Everybody was horrified by the amount of disaster that took place in that silent subdivision intersection. I was disoriented. The police came and conducted traffic investigation. He asked for my driver's license. I checked in the dash and found it missing. I checked my wallet and it was not there. In other words, my driver's license was lost. I could not provide my driver's license to the investigator. In the simplest term, I was driving without license.

So much to say about this experience. My December 2009 was traumatic. I went to attend mass, on a regular weekday. The priest was giving a sermon when he said that we should find joy, like the baby in the womb of Elizabeth who leaped with joy upon knowing Mary is conceiving the Messiah. It was a relief for me to hear those words. That was fitting for my situation. I was asking the Lord why it happened to me. Instead of giving me joy in that season, I ended up paying a huge amount for the repair of 'edwin', my car. I ended up broke. I was supposed to go shopping after that meeting to buy gifts for others and most specially for my precious self. I asked the Lord and he gave me that answer.

When I think that I have the greatest problem in the world, I simply look at others. Then I can say that indeed I am still blessed because I do not possess the problems that they have. Some even lost a loved one, lost their homes out of fire, experienced calamities and yet they ended up strong, standing up, remaining hopeful that they can recover.

That incident helped me realize that there are a lot of people around me who is willing to help, support, and most especially love me. They were just there waiting for me. It taught me to bu humble, to think that what I possess can easily be removed even in an instant. Finally it taught me to be joyful. Indeed I should be joyful. Joyfully waiting for the coming of my Christ. This Christmas, a year after that accident, my prayer is for me to constantly be joyful amidst the trials and circumstances that I face each day.

Soon I will shout: My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

On Trust and Goodness

Just this weekend I went into a car wash station to clean my 'edwin'. It was really high time to give my car the pamper he deserves.. Muddy. Dusty. Dirty. That was my car. If not for the party that I would be going, he can't visit the car wash shop. So I made the quick decision to bring him to the station.

In the station, I waited for almost an hour for my turn. I was so bored. So sleepy. Bad thing I was not able to bring my laptop and phone. So I was just left alone. Sitting. Listening to the sound of the radio playing. I watched carefully how the car wash boys clean the cars. They did great. They were experts in that area. I looked carefully and said, I can't do what they've been doing. My eyes were fixed on the hoodlum looking boys cleaning the cars.

To my surprise, car owners left their cars in full trust to those ugly looking guys. Nobody would think of entrusting their properties to these people, I won't dare. But a thought came to me that in one has to believe that there are still more good people in the world than what we think of. Currently we think of this world as a place were we should be very cautious with. That we live in a city were we can no longer trust strangers. But not with those poor-dirty-thief-looking car wash boys. They can be trusted. Not a single peso in my coin holder was lost. Everything was put into the same place as it was.

In this world there are still good people. Good people whom we can trust. Good people who still believes in the encompassing goodness that resides in one's heart. One just need to trust, let go, and let goodness flow. Believe me, there are still good people we can trust in this world.

On Deleting Friendships

Too bad memories, stays in mind and not the heart where we want it to be.. So does a song goes. It's really hard to let go of memories that we don't want to remember. Most especially if the memories revolves around one person, one person whom you valued most and you really cared for. How I wish I can have a device which would allow me to delete a portion of my memory and go on as if nothing happens. That would be improbable, for now.

I've been deleting friendships recently. As of the moment, I learned my piece. And with that I stand on my principles. I now know how to choose friends, I mean real friends. People whom I can share my sorrows, my pains, my past, and would understand and not take advantage of what they know about me.

One thing is clear. It hurts me so much to experience harm from my so called friends. It's disappointing for me because I choose them because I trusted them, not because I know that they won't hurt me. They will, and they won't stop. But the hurt is different when it comes from a person who is least expected, at least on my part, to hurt me. That for me is very painful. I can delete you in my memory, though hard but I will, I should.

Well I just realized that I've been bringing this backpack from home to office, then field, office and home again. Only to find out that the back pack is just filled with non-sense craps. Now is the right time to unload. To let them go and allow new things to get inside my baggage. With that I won't be carrying much load and would be bringing the things that I need most.

On deleting friendships; It hurts deep but I won't hesitate. I won't.

The Merchant Meets the Beer Man

Just this morning as I was in the outlet transacting orders, I was able to see this old man. Like me he was also a salesman. This man is poor and indecently dressed. This old man sells sweet potatoes. Walking in a very slow pace he approached the owner of the restaurant who happens to be my client. I was paused and I just looked at him. I saw in his eyes the desire to market his goods. He was very old, but he was able to carry those crops.

Again he motioned to the owner and told her to buy some sweet potatoes. The restaurant owner told me that she is not interested in buying and eating sweet potatoes. Out of her generosity and kindness, she just buy those things simply to help the old man. The lady left to take some money to pay for the old merchant and for me, the merchant of beers...

The old man told me his undertakings in life. He went to school but he failed all of his subjects and was not able to graduate. He did not have a decent and stable job but he was able to send his children to school. Yes they finished their education. That was just the dream of the old man, to see his children have the proper education which he was not able to attain. He was disappointed though to see them getting married earlier that expected and soon left him all by himself.

The restaurant owner returned and gave the payment to that old man and to me. I received thousands he received a hundred. Quite a difference. After printing the receipts I left the restaurant and went to the nearby outlet, again transacted business. The old man arrived in that same place. I went into my car then we never saw each other again.

In this life we all have our own problems, our own undertakings and our own fate. Both of us were sales man. He sells crops and I sell beers. God is indeed fair, though there are things that I do not have but the old man possesses and things that he doesn't have that I own. One thing is clear about this experience, that I should be thankful because I have this job, I have this company, and I have customers who are willing to do business with me. And I should show it with a heart that is filled with gratitude. That I make myself as an instrument of showing how the grace of God flows in me so others would know how bless they are.

Lemonades Out of Lemons

At some point in our life we reach at a certain level of certainty, that indeed life gives limits. And these limitations comes in different forms and often in a very unpredictable manner. These differences and its unpredictability gives lemons in our sores.

Lemon is impossible to eat, so does an old song says. And so it is in my life. This time I had a lot of lemon that is giving me so much pain and sourness in this existence. I call this chapter of my life as existential catastrophe. I posted this two words as my facebook 'what's on your mind' and a 'previous' friend asked about the meaning of this. Lemons. It simply means lemons in my existence.

These days I feel so alone. So helpless. And in so dire need of a friend. I had a lot of acquaintances. They call me friend but I don't consider them to be one. Until I met this person who really showed me what friendship really is. We were open to each other. We know every single detail of our lives. We shared stories and we share a lot of things in common. It was great. The experience of friendship.

During those moments I was happy that finally I found a friend. The ideal friend that one can read on books, magazines. The friend described on songs. A friend you can see on movies. One who taps your shoulder and would say it's alright. One who would spend time when you're lonely and would simply want a company. And best of all, one who still believes in yo while every one else doesn't. That was our friendship. And we both invested on that relationship bank account.

We had a misunderstanding. We talked. We reconciled. But our friendship was tainted. It's becoming sour, sour as the lemons. A bunch of lemons squeezed on a sore. Giving so much pain and anguish. And yes I allowed it to happen. With the feeling of hope I made every effort I could to restore that friendship. Yet every part of that effort failed.

I realized that those efforts were just efforts of squeezing more lemons on a wounded heart. And yes I should stop. Indeed I stopped. I stopped everything. I stopped seeing him, I stopped communicating, he made efforts to keep in touch though but again it was squeezing more lemons. So I stopped. Everything. In an instant. It was hard. I cried. I cried so hard. I spent sleepless nights. I spent hours of loneliness. It was just different. Incomplete.

With those times of loneliness I had this realization. That I have this opportunity to make lemonades out of lemons. With it, I was able to focus on my job. Give the best out of me for a goal. Meet old acquaintances which was left behind for a time. Spend time with my family, home and office. It was hard. I still feel the pain of losing somebody close. But I can't do anything about it. I can't continue squeezing that lemon.

For days I was alone. We both reached this far and I was left alone. Sad though but I have to move. And at last the sourness of that lemon was sweetened by the people surrounding me and the events taking place around me. And what a great taste it was, to sip on a lemonade made out of one's lemons in life.

To that friend I thank you for being a part of my existence. It was a nice phenomenon of friendship, unfortunately not lasting but simply to be experienced.

Yes I still taste a little bit of sourness of that lemonade but as they say it's the essence of our existence.