Finding Joy In this Season

December last year, it was the last day of work before our Christmas break. On a bright sunny morning I was driving my car at a moderate speed on my way to our year end meeting. Just a block before our meeting place, I crossed an intersection when suddenly my car was hit by a fast approaching SUV. It was horrible. I could imagine myself as an actor of a movie when my car immediately turned three sixty degrees. Terrified I just held the steering wheel tightly, maneuvered quickly to avoid falling in a nearby canal.

I was trembling. Afraid and teary eyed. I stepped out and confronted the driver of the SUV. I yelled at him and blamed him for the accident. I called some of my counterparts and my immediate supervisor for rescue. Somebody called 911 and emergency ambulance went into the scene. Everybody was horrified by the amount of disaster that took place in that silent subdivision intersection. I was disoriented. The police came and conducted traffic investigation. He asked for my driver's license. I checked in the dash and found it missing. I checked my wallet and it was not there. In other words, my driver's license was lost. I could not provide my driver's license to the investigator. In the simplest term, I was driving without license.

So much to say about this experience. My December 2009 was traumatic. I went to attend mass, on a regular weekday. The priest was giving a sermon when he said that we should find joy, like the baby in the womb of Elizabeth who leaped with joy upon knowing Mary is conceiving the Messiah. It was a relief for me to hear those words. That was fitting for my situation. I was asking the Lord why it happened to me. Instead of giving me joy in that season, I ended up paying a huge amount for the repair of 'edwin', my car. I ended up broke. I was supposed to go shopping after that meeting to buy gifts for others and most specially for my precious self. I asked the Lord and he gave me that answer.

When I think that I have the greatest problem in the world, I simply look at others. Then I can say that indeed I am still blessed because I do not possess the problems that they have. Some even lost a loved one, lost their homes out of fire, experienced calamities and yet they ended up strong, standing up, remaining hopeful that they can recover.

That incident helped me realize that there are a lot of people around me who is willing to help, support, and most especially love me. They were just there waiting for me. It taught me to bu humble, to think that what I possess can easily be removed even in an instant. Finally it taught me to be joyful. Indeed I should be joyful. Joyfully waiting for the coming of my Christ. This Christmas, a year after that accident, my prayer is for me to constantly be joyful amidst the trials and circumstances that I face each day.

Soon I will shout: My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

On Trust and Goodness

Just this weekend I went into a car wash station to clean my 'edwin'. It was really high time to give my car the pamper he deserves.. Muddy. Dusty. Dirty. That was my car. If not for the party that I would be going, he can't visit the car wash shop. So I made the quick decision to bring him to the station.

In the station, I waited for almost an hour for my turn. I was so bored. So sleepy. Bad thing I was not able to bring my laptop and phone. So I was just left alone. Sitting. Listening to the sound of the radio playing. I watched carefully how the car wash boys clean the cars. They did great. They were experts in that area. I looked carefully and said, I can't do what they've been doing. My eyes were fixed on the hoodlum looking boys cleaning the cars.

To my surprise, car owners left their cars in full trust to those ugly looking guys. Nobody would think of entrusting their properties to these people, I won't dare. But a thought came to me that in one has to believe that there are still more good people in the world than what we think of. Currently we think of this world as a place were we should be very cautious with. That we live in a city were we can no longer trust strangers. But not with those poor-dirty-thief-looking car wash boys. They can be trusted. Not a single peso in my coin holder was lost. Everything was put into the same place as it was.

In this world there are still good people. Good people whom we can trust. Good people who still believes in the encompassing goodness that resides in one's heart. One just need to trust, let go, and let goodness flow. Believe me, there are still good people we can trust in this world.

On Deleting Friendships

Too bad memories, stays in mind and not the heart where we want it to be.. So does a song goes. It's really hard to let go of memories that we don't want to remember. Most especially if the memories revolves around one person, one person whom you valued most and you really cared for. How I wish I can have a device which would allow me to delete a portion of my memory and go on as if nothing happens. That would be improbable, for now.

I've been deleting friendships recently. As of the moment, I learned my piece. And with that I stand on my principles. I now know how to choose friends, I mean real friends. People whom I can share my sorrows, my pains, my past, and would understand and not take advantage of what they know about me.

One thing is clear. It hurts me so much to experience harm from my so called friends. It's disappointing for me because I choose them because I trusted them, not because I know that they won't hurt me. They will, and they won't stop. But the hurt is different when it comes from a person who is least expected, at least on my part, to hurt me. That for me is very painful. I can delete you in my memory, though hard but I will, I should.

Well I just realized that I've been bringing this backpack from home to office, then field, office and home again. Only to find out that the back pack is just filled with non-sense craps. Now is the right time to unload. To let them go and allow new things to get inside my baggage. With that I won't be carrying much load and would be bringing the things that I need most.

On deleting friendships; It hurts deep but I won't hesitate. I won't.

The Merchant Meets the Beer Man

Just this morning as I was in the outlet transacting orders, I was able to see this old man. Like me he was also a salesman. This man is poor and indecently dressed. This old man sells sweet potatoes. Walking in a very slow pace he approached the owner of the restaurant who happens to be my client. I was paused and I just looked at him. I saw in his eyes the desire to market his goods. He was very old, but he was able to carry those crops.

Again he motioned to the owner and told her to buy some sweet potatoes. The restaurant owner told me that she is not interested in buying and eating sweet potatoes. Out of her generosity and kindness, she just buy those things simply to help the old man. The lady left to take some money to pay for the old merchant and for me, the merchant of beers...

The old man told me his undertakings in life. He went to school but he failed all of his subjects and was not able to graduate. He did not have a decent and stable job but he was able to send his children to school. Yes they finished their education. That was just the dream of the old man, to see his children have the proper education which he was not able to attain. He was disappointed though to see them getting married earlier that expected and soon left him all by himself.

The restaurant owner returned and gave the payment to that old man and to me. I received thousands he received a hundred. Quite a difference. After printing the receipts I left the restaurant and went to the nearby outlet, again transacted business. The old man arrived in that same place. I went into my car then we never saw each other again.

In this life we all have our own problems, our own undertakings and our own fate. Both of us were sales man. He sells crops and I sell beers. God is indeed fair, though there are things that I do not have but the old man possesses and things that he doesn't have that I own. One thing is clear about this experience, that I should be thankful because I have this job, I have this company, and I have customers who are willing to do business with me. And I should show it with a heart that is filled with gratitude. That I make myself as an instrument of showing how the grace of God flows in me so others would know how bless they are.

Lemonades Out of Lemons

At some point in our life we reach at a certain level of certainty, that indeed life gives limits. And these limitations comes in different forms and often in a very unpredictable manner. These differences and its unpredictability gives lemons in our sores.

Lemon is impossible to eat, so does an old song says. And so it is in my life. This time I had a lot of lemon that is giving me so much pain and sourness in this existence. I call this chapter of my life as existential catastrophe. I posted this two words as my facebook 'what's on your mind' and a 'previous' friend asked about the meaning of this. Lemons. It simply means lemons in my existence.

These days I feel so alone. So helpless. And in so dire need of a friend. I had a lot of acquaintances. They call me friend but I don't consider them to be one. Until I met this person who really showed me what friendship really is. We were open to each other. We know every single detail of our lives. We shared stories and we share a lot of things in common. It was great. The experience of friendship.

During those moments I was happy that finally I found a friend. The ideal friend that one can read on books, magazines. The friend described on songs. A friend you can see on movies. One who taps your shoulder and would say it's alright. One who would spend time when you're lonely and would simply want a company. And best of all, one who still believes in yo while every one else doesn't. That was our friendship. And we both invested on that relationship bank account.

We had a misunderstanding. We talked. We reconciled. But our friendship was tainted. It's becoming sour, sour as the lemons. A bunch of lemons squeezed on a sore. Giving so much pain and anguish. And yes I allowed it to happen. With the feeling of hope I made every effort I could to restore that friendship. Yet every part of that effort failed.

I realized that those efforts were just efforts of squeezing more lemons on a wounded heart. And yes I should stop. Indeed I stopped. I stopped everything. I stopped seeing him, I stopped communicating, he made efforts to keep in touch though but again it was squeezing more lemons. So I stopped. Everything. In an instant. It was hard. I cried. I cried so hard. I spent sleepless nights. I spent hours of loneliness. It was just different. Incomplete.

With those times of loneliness I had this realization. That I have this opportunity to make lemonades out of lemons. With it, I was able to focus on my job. Give the best out of me for a goal. Meet old acquaintances which was left behind for a time. Spend time with my family, home and office. It was hard. I still feel the pain of losing somebody close. But I can't do anything about it. I can't continue squeezing that lemon.

For days I was alone. We both reached this far and I was left alone. Sad though but I have to move. And at last the sourness of that lemon was sweetened by the people surrounding me and the events taking place around me. And what a great taste it was, to sip on a lemonade made out of one's lemons in life.

To that friend I thank you for being a part of my existence. It was a nice phenomenon of friendship, unfortunately not lasting but simply to be experienced.

Yes I still taste a little bit of sourness of that lemonade but as they say it's the essence of our existence.

Farewell Facebook

I am signing out to facebook. I won't be joining the groups of Elijah Wood and Lady Gaga to raise a million dollar for HIV victims, no I'm not. Or maybe I can be a part of their campaign, but who would bother giving me a peso to raise for a fund. Jokingly aside, I am signing off for sentimental reasons.

I think it's about time for me to say goodbye to social networking sites and instead put on my efforts in establishing worthwhile blogs. Blogs would really encompass my thoughts. They allow me to critically think and express what I really desire to express. Not just merely sharing it out as a 'limited' status.. Sharing non-sense 'what's on my mind' and commenting on other's useless thoughts and simply putting themselves on limelight just to gain attention. Too late have I realized this.

Another thing is, I think I spend most of my time in facebook than spending time on reading books and writing blogs. Which hinders my thinking being to think. Instead of taking time in facebook, I should take time in more sensible things.

As to the issue of burning bridges... I should say that I needed to burn bridges and this is also a part of a step into renewal and concentration on what is really essential in human existence. For now, I burnt bridges behind me to let go of the things that I cannot change or attain move forward to attain my desires and aspirations.

Asked on when would I return to social networking..? hmmm... maybe by the time that I can get out from the compulsive need of attention from others and addiction to facebook itself. Then and maybe then would I be back you will see me again in fb.

As for now, I would give more attention to writing and reading sensible things. And at the same time spend most of my valued time in work.

Over a Cup of Coffee

After months of waiting, I finally reached the point where I need to leave this current job and shift into another career. In our workplace we have persons with whom we give our highest respect. This person is the most hated, most wished to die on a car accident, and perhaps dreamed on succumbing to illnesses when business reviews come and re-validation comes. Yet this person gives us inspiration, a drive to push us harder. Well this person happens to be the last person I heartily spoke of during my last official working day in my company, and it took place over a cup of coffee.

Every time mention my resignation to GX Intl. I always delight when people would tell me that I am very lucky that I was hired by SMB and be part of their company that offers good benefits and super nice compensation package. (When they say super it really means super nice!!) Not a single person would not commend the company's compensation and its reputation as a 'big' company. Well those were the commentaries of people who are not really aware of big picture. Well here are some points my 'big' boss gave and left a mark in me for me to be successful in this field of sales and marketing.

Creativity:
We need to be creative in this kind of job. We need to find ways as to how we can attract our clients and let them take the specific purchases we need. This includes positivity toward work, and to say that there is no limit to your potential to do better than yesterday. And to be focus, not necessarily literally understood but to align every action of every day to be a part of the attaining of your goal. That is creativity. And with that you will succeed.

Enjoy Your Job

This energizes yourself and eliminates boredom. This does not necessarily mean enjoyment per se. But this means to find enjoyment and to be enjoyed with that enjoyment. That we need to say to ourselves that I enjoy this job regardless of what people would say about this and about me working on. It takes away the negative thoughts that is always keeping our mind set for failures. That is enjoying your job. And with that you will succeed.


Never Equate Your Salary to the Work that You Give

This is very common to the way we think about working; to receive the salary that would equate with our work or maybe our scholastic achievements. But one thing surprising this guy told me was these words; never equate your work to the salary to the work that you give. This would create frustrations, disappointments and boredom. This would exhibit negativity and a mindset of failure. Salary would never equate the work, regardless of how high that may be, because our basis for this is ourselves. Work without equating your salary. And with that you will succeed.


Burn the Bridges Behind You

When you say yes and accepted the job it simply means one thing, to burn the bridges behind you. There are no more turning backs and no more returns because you had already burnt the bridges behind you. Say goodbye to your old life and start anew. Empty yourself with doubts frustrations and negative thoughts for this will prevent you from attaining your goal. This may include people who might hinder you from achieving that goal; family, loved ones, and even your habits. Burn the bridges behind you. And with that you will succeed.

These four points is just a summary of the over one and a half hour of dizziness, inquisitive-listening-skills, and nerve wrecking tensions conversation over a cup of coffee with my 'big' boss. Kudos to you for this journey and for giving loads of insights to carry..!

The Theater of the Absurd

There was once a man who ought to find meaning of himself. He was confronted with so many existential problems that he was moved to stroll down the boulevard of theaters. He saw two major theaters; the theater of the absurd and the theater of reality.
He wanted to see what the theater of reality was, and so he went in. Then the curtains rolled up and he saw himself playing the lead actor's role. He was so engrossed with his performance but he only saw what he ought to see, in that context, in that phenomenon. He was part of that theater, dancing to the music and acting with his heart. Then he left
He went into the next theater, the theater of the absurd. Again he saw himself, acting the lead 's role. He laughed at what he saw, as to how he does his daily activities with rhythm, consistency, and habit. He was then surprised to see himself acting monotonously, without any feeling of surprise doing those daily activities.
At times in our life, we enter into this two theaters. Neither one of them is wrong nor absolutely right. The theater of reality allows us to get in part of the drama in life, making us see what is just perceived by the senses and showing us that life in reality has meaning, and is rational. Yet in 'reality' we tend to move unto that impossible without thinking of it's 'unimpossibility'. Thus that action would lead it's absurdity.
The theater of the absurd shows us the meaningless of life. That the actor's aim is to let the audience disagree with this phenomenon, this reality that life indeed is meaningless, irrational. Why would they aim for their disagreement? That would be the beginning of something profound.
The idea of absurdism was not intended to cultivate the meaningless. To produce a world of senselessness and irrationality. No, this isn't. The theater of the absurd is showing, exposing and unfolding the absurd in everyday situations, as the audience are forced to seek a truer and more essential life for themselves.

Walking with a Stranger

I absolutely lack the courage to write this blog. My thoughts were just moving around in the corners of my room but I can't just hold them and put them together to establish my simple thought of walking with a stranger.
I just would like to divide the title into three different parts: the act of walking, 'with', a stranger. By acknowledging the separation of these words maybe I can establish a good blog out of these phrase.
First word, walking. The act of walking is very common to us. We walk everyday. Though we drive our own cars or we ride mass transits, we do walk... even just a little walk. While we walk, we are given the opportunity to just simply be ourselves, allow ourselves to fascinate what the surroundings can offer, to stop by and to appreciate what we can see by our senses. By walking we are in control of ourselves and in control of our own destiny. By this I mean, contrary to driving or riding on a car, we are given the utmost freedom to control ourselves. The will to stop and arrive at our destination under our own desire, to arrive on time or to be late but still made it. When we walk we are relaxed and focused. We can look at ourselves from the outside and into the inside, and we see ourselves respond to stimulus from the environment. In conclusion, when we walk we allow ourselves to interact with our environment and to think as to what these phenomenon conveys to us.
Second word, 'with'. In one of my special English classes I always commit mistakes in using prepositions, most especially on the preposition 'with'. I looked back at my mistakes and realized something insignificant to what an English teacher can see; that I am an existential thinker. I always believe in the word 'with'. This word embodies a deeper existential meaning rather than merely a literary word. 'With" embodies the act of being 'with', note here that the word being means existential presence; the act of being present to a person as a subjective individual. This relays a message of subjectivity rather than possessiveness or objectivity. Summarily, to be 'with' means to open, to relate, and to be in communion with.
Third word, a stranger. Being estranged became a fundamental debate throughout the history of philosophy. You can have Marx as he uses the word alienation to signify estrangement, Kierkegaard as positing man's estrangement to God, and Camus as the writer of the novel The Stranger. Well, in this case we won't be using philosophy that much. I focus on the word stranger as something that is new to us, it can be a person, event, or community whichever is helpful in this manner. For this purpose we would be using the person.
Being with a stranger means that being in communion with a stranger can allow us to view the world in a different perspective. To look at phenomena in a brighter way, if you see it in the darker way; or to look at phenomena in a darker way, if you see it in the brighter way. Being with a stranger would give us different thoughts of morality and objectivity. This occurs because the stranger is giving a new insight while we, also a stranger to them, gives also a different insight which may be acceptable or not. In other words, we learn from these strangers. Just being with them would give that amount of realization, how much more would it be if we walk with them.
Walking with a stranger means allowing to experience what the world would be if we experience it together, not as a well-acquainted individuals but as a mere stranger to one's self and to the other. The more will we appreciate happenings in our life and the more will we understand the value of living this life. We stop and appreciate, look back, think and re-think. We continue walking and we see another event, then stop. Until we reach to a point of fulfillment, that somehow walking with a stranger would give us new insights of our estrangement.

Trilogy of a Poet's Love

These are series of poems in Filipino language, expressing the story of a poet's love... These went into a sequence from the beginning up to the present situation... The story continues and so will the love of the poet.

Tulad ng Ibon

by Daniel Lao on Friday, September 17, 2010 at 1:06am


Nang dahil sa iyo kami ay nagtagpo

tulad ng ibon na hanap ay puno,

sa iyo kami dumapo at sa iyo ay ipinagdasal

ang buhay na malayang magmahal

pagkat kami ay nagmamahal din

kahit ipinagbawal mo'y pinipilit namin

hangad ng lipunan kami ay supilin

dahil larawan kami sa katotohanang lihim

ako ay nagagalak na ika'y makilala

makausap sa puso, makapiling ng malaya

ang oras na ginugol mo sa akin ay mahalaga

katulad ng pag-ibig na alay ko sinta

sa bawat patak ng luhang may dangal

sangkap nito'y pagdurugo mula sa pusong hangal

kahit ikaw ay di dapat mahalin,

ako'y iyong pinahalagahan at pinansin.

ang mga huni ng ibon, hanggang dito na lamang,

sa hawlang asul sila ay nilinlang.

hayaan na lamang at nawa'y pakinggan

ang sigaw para sa pagmamahal, na sila'y tinanggalan

Dama

by Daniel Lao on Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 7:10pm

Ang wari ng mura kong isipan,

ang pintig ng puso at ang nilalaman...

Tanging ang katotohanang iyong pinapadama,

na ako sa puso mo ay mahalaga.

Haplos ng kamay mo sa aki'y dumampi,

tamis ng halik mo'y pilit na hinihingi.

Init ng yakap mo'y muntik ng maangkin,

lahat nito'y iniukit ko na lamang sa hangin.

Sa bawat araw na tayo'y magkasama,

takot at ligaya'y aking nadarama.

Takot mula sa mundo nating mapanlinlang,

at ligaya mula sa pusong alam kong nagpalinlang.

Hanggang kailan ba dapat tayong ganito?

Kailan natin makakamtan ang tunay na pagbabago?

Init ng hawak mo'y kailan ko mararamdaman

at tamis ng halik mo kailan ako madampian?

Patuloy kitang iibigin, patuloy kitang pakikiramdaman.

at nawa'y tinitibok ng puso ko'y iyong maramdaman.

Ligaya'y di matumbasan makapiling ka lamang,

at kahit sandali'y maging akin ka lang.

Hawak Na Buhangin

by Daniel Lao on Sunday, October 3, 2010 at 8:47pm

Sa aking paglalakad, mura kong isipan ay namulat,

at sa mga butil ng buhangin pag-iisip ko'y nabuklat.

Nabuksan ang aking puso sa isang ganap na katotohanan,

na ang pag-ibig na ito'y mayroon ding hangganan.

Sa baybayin ng dagat mga buhangin ang nakikita,

sa bawat hinagpis ng tubig ito ay nahahasa.

Anong pilit kong mahawakan sa musmos na mga palad kong ito,

buhangi'y nadudulas at nahuhulog ng husto.

Dahil nais mapasa-akin, pagkahawak ay binigyan ng lakas,

ang buhangin ay dahan-dahang nauubos at nagpupumiglas.

Huwag mong idiin, buhangin ay maiiwan din,

Ngunit mga kamay ko'y naging iyong mga alipin.

Ganyan nga ba ang pag-ibig pag iyong ipinipilit,

lalo itong aaklas, at sa sakit ay mamimilipit.

Huwag mong ialay kusa itong kukunin,

pag iyong ibinigay ito'y kusa ring lilisanin.

Ang pagmamahal na ito ay aking maihahambing,

sa mga palad kong ito na may hawak na buhangin.

Nalilito ang isip ko kung ano ang dapat isagawa,

hahawakan, ididiin, o bibitawang bigla?

Sisyphus and the god

Sisyphus pushed that stone up into the peak,
then watched emptily as he allowed it to roll down the hill.
All the efforts, experiences, phenomenons, channeling that were made
rolled down like the stone, lads watched emptily... the god angered.

Sisyphus is called up
summoned to present unto the god.
the performance he did on the given moment
at a given circumstance, the god did.

Why is Sisyphus so afraid of that being?
Is he really the god he is, or the god he wants to be?
Or probably he became the god because Sisyphus thinks he is,
as what everybody thinks he is, should be.

Take arms, and lead the battle cry of the vanquished spirits.
Unmotivated lads of different culture and beliefs.
Brought up and instilled by the new norm given,
directed toward the aim of the god.

What is this norm and what about the aim?
fulfillment, service, charity, best..?
none of the above.
only a food for the god.

Sisyphus is called up, summoned to present unto the god.
He allowed it to happen, he will allow it to happen again.
As he pushed up and watched the stone rolled down,
he rethinks and bade farewell.

-danielangelolao

Photography: Revealed Again

Who would have thought that after years of forgetting photography and my passion to this art, I would have this rare chance of meeting Davao's premier photographer, Mr. Roland Jumawan. Last weekend he awakened the sleeping passion within. The passion that was gone. This may be a sign of something deep that is revealing again in my consciousness.

Long time ago, my grand father used to own a photo studio in Davao City. During those times, the studio was at its prime years. And so it was named Uno Studio. Meaning, number one or first. It was considered to be the best photo studio in town. Students from different schools had their graduation pictures taken from Uno Studio, prominent families had their family portrait taken in this best photo studio in town. With its glory, it was not far from its name.

That glory was contributed by my grand father who was a professional photographer, and so was my dad who happened to be his apprentice. The passion for this art runs through our blood. With their passion and knowledge in this business Uno Studio became the most famous photo studio in town. In the advent of the rise of innovation of colored photography, Uno Studio was competing very well in the market. My grand father invested on such printing machines thinking of good revenues from it. Unfortunately, during the late 80's, the studio was razed to ash from a fire that broke out. After that event, the business went bankrupt and everything fell down like the ashes gone by the wind. The family went to a series of financial crises and failed to open the studio again. Another occupant occupied the space. Since then the location of the studio is currently occupied by Mercury Drug in Claveria St. (C.M. Recto St.)

Except for the memories and the two set of analog SLR cameras complete with accessories, nothing was left. The Nikon SLR was given to my aunt, who kept it for years and with it was the memory of the glorious years of Uno Studio. My late grand father left a strong remark after he lost his eyesight not to sell the cameras. My aunt however, sold it to buy medicines for my ailing grand mother.

The Pentax SLR was given to my dad, who was an amateur photographer. He kept it for until he gave it to me last year 2001. He saw in me the blood of a photographer and taught me his secrets in photography. During those days, digital photography was not that famous. And so I sought for ways how to learn photography without spending a lot for developing and printing. And so I joined our school's organ. I went to attend seminars conducted by Mr. Rene Lumawag, premier and authority of photography in Davao City. Since then, I made private studies on the art, and after four years I left it.

I left it for good. I also lost the camera that was the symbol of our family enterprise. It was gone without a trace. My passion for photography went away with the loss of my SLR.

It takes one to know one, so does my friend say. A photographer understands his co-photographer. During that encounter with a pro, he told me that indeed photography runs in my blood. And so he awakened in me that passion again which I know that deep within me is the reality that this art runs through my veins. And I want to continue that legacy from my grand father and my dad. So this time, I'll be saving a fraction of my income to purchase a new SLR, this time a digital one!

Circulus Vitiosus: A Laborers Reflection on the Ideals of Work

Way back in college, I could remember these words uttered by my professor in Logic. He said that this is a fallacy in reasoning in which the premise is used to prove the conclusion, and the conclusion used to prove the premise. I did not understand him, and I did not take that course seriously. I regret my decision. Among all philosophy subjects that I took, only in this course can I say that I failed.

So much for my college days and back here in the present. As in college, these words are still revolving around my present consciousness. Not in the context of Logic but in the context of labor. Currently I am working, and as an employee we are mandated (mandatum) to follow certain policies, in our case the so-called Norms and Values, which I think is relative and has a lot of loop-holes open for different interpretations. With this we are taught who is an employee and how can we be good employees, not only to this company but in the entirety of our life as a laborer.

Although we have this as our back bone, we still do consider our individuality as a person both individual and social in nature. We are new to this set-up and together with them, we bring with us our own culture of working that makes us a contingent being. And because of this contingency, we make good and 'bad' decisions (the company say that your decision is bad though they just don't understand what made it bad, and they never try to listen).

They say that a good decision would benefit yourself and the company, the former would not benefit neither the company nor your individuality. With this definition in mind, we start to reform ourselves. Look at the people around us, see how they work and how they set up their minds to meet that goal. Then we joined together and support each other. We had workshops and endless meetings and conferences. It proved to be effective, but not for long.

There is a problem in bringing in the virtue of consistency. They failed to be consistent in their words and actions. Thus showing us inconsistencies. And blaming us to the fault at which they are responsible for. This is not a way of passing someone's fault to the other. This however, is a way of expressing realities and pulling down the ideals to what is real. Unless they take that inconsistencies away we revolve again to this vicious circle, not just once, twice, but over and over again.

And now we are here in this vicious circle, the circle that is turning our minds and hearts away from the goal. We again go back to the reality of how we do work, and how we conduct ourselves in the workplace. Fortunately there are a few who were taught to reflect, to bend back the phenomenon that is happening around our existential nature. into the silence of our person We go back because we are in the abyss of reality. The reality that is telling us the truth and not just the ideals of labor.

In college, I failed to understand Circulus Vitiosus. In the present, I still failed to understand. And yet, I am experiencing and is a part of it.

-danielangelolao

My Encounter With Noynoy Aquino

The election "carnival" has come to Davao City. A lot of Davawenyos are thirsty for these events and as candidates flashed their colorful banners, sounded their trompas, and waived their hands... The Carnival is set..!

I heard the news of the visit of the Liberal Party standard bearer Noynoy Aquino, mar Roxas and the rest of their party. I was with my mom in a shopping mall when I texted a friend of the whereabouts of the motorcade. And to my surprise, people inside the mall is also asking the same question to their friends... From that I decided to convince mom to join me and watch the motorcade.

We went to R. Castillo St. and waited for the motorcade to pass. So far it was the longest motorcade I had ever witnessed. on the streets were people wearing yellow shirts, yellow ribbons, yellow flaglets, and of course names of Noynoy and Mar All The Way!
the spirit of hope was there within us. Though I only saw videos and images of EDSA People

Power 1 I knew right there and then, that the spirit of EDSA has come to Davao City. Cries of hope were shouted by the people on the street as they waited for the presidentiable to arrive.
Then a lot of cars joining the motorcade, more than 200 of them, were buzzing the horns are they continue to show their support by waving the Laban sign. People were on top of the Agdao Fly Over were throwing yellow confetti and waving the banners of Noynoy Aquino.

At last after an hour of waiting, I received a text message saying that the convoy is only a kilometer away. Then senatoriables arrived, as people tried to stop their truck just to catch a glimpse and to shake the hands of these candidates... and yes, I was one of them.

I also saw some of my doctor friends who joined the motorcade. They were all wearing their own shades of yellow. I showed them the Laban Sign and with my banner I shouted Noynoy! They opened their windows and waived the ir hands on me...

Finally the moment has come, the person most awaited by the people passed through our way... People of all classes dashed through the streets and waived their hands to Sen. Noynoy Aquino and Sen. Mar Roxas. The voice of our Mayor Duterte endorsing the Liberal party was a sure sign that Davao City has become a Noynoy Country.

Immediately, I joined the crowd in waiving their hands and giving the Laban sign. I was left all alone by the crowd moving towards the convoy. Little did they know, that my place on that street was an opportunity for me to personally greet Noynoy and shake his hands. Overwhelmed by his presence, and the spirit of the people, I was almost (I say almost) moved into tears when I saw him holding a baller band (the one worn in the arms) as his truck approached my post. I jumped for joy, as I shouted Noynoy and raised my banner high enough for him to notice me. And because I was alone in that area, he noticed me.

Eye to eye we met, and he smiled at me... He handed over his baller band and I immediately accepted it... I was so happy when he personally gave me that baller band. And now I am wearing it with full of hope and faith, that someday our nation will achieve the freedom that we only thought is in our dreams.

"Within this baller band lies the story of my hopes and aspirations for the Filipino people. And I will never stop sharing this story to the people I know, and convince them to vote Noynoy Aquino for our President.

-danielangelolao

My Return To My Blogging World

For quite a time I resorted to blogging as a way of documenting the streams of experiences gushing forth in my life. I was really thankful for the help of my friend, a doctor, in patiently teaching me the secrets of blogging. Now she's in training for two-years and I am left alone.

I left blogging too. A lot of events happened since the last time i posted a blog. But none of them were written.
Here are some:

March 2009 My sister had dengue, a very traumatic experience for us in the family.

May 2009 Dad left home.

May 28, 2009 somebody stole my hard earned money.

September 2009 I felt the urge to resign.

December 2009 I almost died of a car accident.

My sister, again, underwent appendectomy (surgery to remove her appendix) Another family tragedy.

I even forget some of the events.

Now it is 2010, I am broke and very much indebted. This will continue till the end of this year.

But where was I during those moments. All the while I thought that this laptop is an avenue to escape the thoughts of reality and place it in a record of the past, awaiting to be visited again and be dealt with by a ready heart. I failed to do it. I failed to document those events. I value so much the habit of journal writing. But I failed. Maybe I was just alienated from myself, society and my soul because of the busy-ness of capitalistic thinking? or was I just a piece of a dead fish following the flow of the river?

Whatever that happened to me, I apologize to my self.

Another thing, Now it is April, not the usual year-opener blog. But I would like to formally announce my return to the blogging world.